Introspective Personality

Ryan Lindsey - Introspective Personality, sorry.. no lyrics found. :/

    I can't lie, I feel quite untouched right now, and I say that with as many different tenors you fathom. As I grow older, I am reading into more things; that is kind of what I want to talk about. Anytime I bring it up, I sometimes find it often hard to explain. I always feel that I am in someway "beating around the bush", and I just have a nagging that I can never seem to fully portray exactly what I want to say.. this intro needless to say is probably "heaviest" of parts. It's the important part, that gets unlooked at times. I try, I really do, to get out my inner voice. Sometimes I know it is difficult to understand at times.. but I proudly state it as my personal collocation, so take it as you will.


    At first I'd say that I feel alone, but think the word 'alone' is too strong, so how about a phrase? "An aloof hermit." Of course I don't want this to be true of me, I am diligent to better improve myself in every which way and form. I want to be constantly happy to push my limits. I don't mean to go over-board on things, and I do.. I'll be the first to admit it, but.. I want to fix that. I want to live comfortably.. in every means. Everyone does, don't they? Who doesn't?, want to live comfortably? New job opportunities are on their way, ones that will put a little more money into to the bank, so I'm not living paycheck to paycheck. I have 2 bucks in my wallet until the 5th, and that check is gone. So as you can see, new changes and chances.. must be in order.. to get me up in life. Now I know from pure experience, that money.. it isn't everything, but it is a necessity in this world to live, unhinged from that somewhat, mediocre life. I want more for my family, that I will have to support, than just scrap.. I want to live peacefully and undoubted in each other, solitude, a secure, and safe home. It's the people that you love, that you look out for the most.. now I have my sympathies.. but, I think it's about time for a little composition for me. A base of sanctuary. After that, I will rot my children will love and care; guidance and dignity. I'm pretty sure, I'll be an awesome Father.. but let's not get ahead of ourselves here. I'm thinking 27.. 29 have a kid. Only to be married to my otherwise known as my dream girl. I'm not 100% sure, but it's close.. I'm just going to call it now, that she will be a Pisces. It's all I've been thinking about, and I know some of you don't put a lot of stock into the whole Zodiac scene.. but to me it's important, and to me it is real. If not that, then Cancer. Either or would be lovely, both seem to be a good choice to go with, they fit me.. and what I am looking for in a woman. Where Pisces are a little more "unconditional", Cancers are more "nurturing." If that makes sense.. you'd really have to read into it more to see the subtleties that define and differentiate these signs. To give you examples of celebrities that you may know and like: Natalie Dreyfuss, Ellen Page, Bruce Willis, Alan Rickman, and Drew Berrymore are all Pisces; while Kris Kristofferson, John Cusack, Lizzy Caplan, Kristen Bell, and Jane Lynch are Cancers. All actors and actresses that I like and enjoy, and as far as women.. all are my type in a sense, and I could see a relationship working out if the circumstances were right. That really does it for the main stuff I wanted to talk about right at this moment. I'm sure that I will write more soon to cover the rest of my aspects of life. Until then.. I'd love to here any and all thoughts. Please leave comments. :)
 

Daydream

Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros - Home. Lyrics here: http://www.songmeanings.net/songs/view/3530822107858786021/

Little green man, somewhat alien... sitting on the Earth, driving it as his car, his space ship, in the sky of the universe. He is with the moon, as his light, blasting away every day, baked in the soaking sun. Lost in the black existence, yet found home with his third eye; the moon as the caster of each tide as he turns round and around. While over in his sleep, when his eyes blink, he hears, "Wake up my darling... it was all just a dream."

Right Brain/ Left Brain Quiz The higher of these two numbers below indicates which side of your brain has dominance in your life. Realising your right brain/left brain tendancy will help you interact with and to understand others. Left Brain Dominance: (12) Right Brain Dominance: (14) Right Brain/ Left Brain Quiz

I ask myself, "Why am I in holes without you."

Rubik - Richard Branson's Crash Landing. Lyrics here: http://www.songmeanings.net/songs/view/3530822107858786508/

Say to yourself, "just right."

I don't know where to start, and I haven't for a long time. I think, and think, and think, that I'm never going to get anywhere, and here I am now. I go with the flow, to whatever feels good, but I never know why. Why can't I know? Why can't we know? Who says we can't know? I don't know, but it's worth a thought. It's worth the time and effort, so here we go until we stop, until we die, until we move on, until we forget...until we reset and rest; I can only live here and now; I live with what I have, and live with what I have not. I don't have everything, and I don't want everything. I just want what I want, and what I want is to be happy. Happiness is what I need to live, so I told myself to do so, to just do right. I told myself that I wasn't going to stop until I was happy, and I haven't stopped so far. I don't think I could bare the failure, the utter sense of abandonment based on my one sole reason to live... just to take it all in, and then just draw it all out, and it is until the day I quit breathing that I will stop lathering up my mind and my tongue for the day, and quit spitting my existence onto paper striving for until I can't tell the difference between my own work or those considered "modern classics." How pity are my words compared to the worlds I want to create, because ponder has no limit; nor, do the words powered by the fires within my heart and my mind, bellowed by every breath I take of my forsaken continuance that I consider my life. It isn't until the day I die that I want to truly know rest, because I know what I have inside of me now, and I want to live for it all. I don't want to fall away into quite desperation before I have expressed every ounce of my drop to the ocean.

I'll pause here to insert a "note" I had written for myself, to be read on a later date... hoping that I could find and use, some future knowledge and encouragement from within it. And it goes:

"And I think to myself... 'Where was I, all those years? Who was I? What was I doing? What did I DO?"

And I wake up, with a new vision. A new... direction. It's possible that a purpose is necessary to live, but how should I know? I'm not God. But I have one, and I'm on track to be great.

"And I think to myself..."

I figured out by now, that this is all I am. Taylor Lee Travis. Do you know who I am? Do you truly? The short answer is no. I don't truly, fully understand myself... aka, all of my subconscious's desires and why and what drives them. All I do know, is there is no possible way you can Be me, feel the things I feel. You will never truly know how I deal with things, hell... even half of the things I deal with. Now this is by no means to say that I have one clue of who you truly are either, I'm just saying...you will always only cast sympathy to me; you can't feel my emotions, not really. I believe that we are just that for each other, sympathy. I don't shrink "life" into the word, "sympathy", but I feel that it is an important part of what makes our ego. It is what makes each of us, mourn, love, lust, sweat, cry, feel, bite, and do anything and/or everything in a different way. The only real catch is ourselves, hiding behind our walls, restricting our souls to express and share one another. If anything, that is humans downfall, true potential... we only tend to grasp for the selfish things these days. Materials. Needless to say an important part of our lives... but it is not the "goal" ladies and gentlemen. That is only the means, the tools... not the feeling at the end of the day, where you can't do anything but smile... and say, "I am happy." In that form, it is all to rare these days. Because we all know that we aren't really happy, we all have our holes. We all live, in some way, in "quiet desperation" that keeps us from expressing every sensation we feel. It all wants to come out, even though you doubt yourself. We never truly show our true colors, because we are constantly fighting and dealing with ourselves, and the whole outside world. It keeps us on guard. My own wars are the ones in my head, everyday...and while I am in my mind writing down what I think... I know it's never going to be enough. But I try... I try in a certain desperation I will never truly understand until the end. I will try against death to rid myself of the countless waste of weight I carry in my head, and on my shoulders. I will do my best to live my best, and the only person that could ever hold me back, is the one writing these words. And it's not until I stop and end, will I be happy... because that is when I know the mood is right, to die.

Live by your own desires, and never hold back.
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Ish's First Memory

Modest Mouse - Autumn Beds. Lyrics here: http://www.songlyrics.com/modest-mouse/autumn-beds-lyrics/

It's... ~okay.

Ish's Lullaby

He cradles me over and over, until my eyes start to cover

Humming my song, like he has done over and over

In my head, I simply recede

Until in my mind, I had nothing to heed

I just fall over, with no more to see

Something said sleep, and I had no choice but to agree

Only it was then when, I found myself in a dream

Before the cow jumped over the moon

And the dish ran away with the spoon

I would sing that soft tune

My voice would defy, as I looked myself through

I would sing and sing until I found a way out

I sang, forever and ever

Until I had no more breath to spout

My mind would come say hi

When I happen to hear a noise

 Go check it out...
What's behind those doors...

Harsh voices get louder
As I inch the door wide

I see what is beyond me
I see what is inside
I see what I live with
I see how I'll die
I see her broken reflection
Buried beneath his red eyes


Leaving the scene
Secrets take to me
While the still sounds mount

Locked in my head
I'm left to recount

I was lost
Without anything that made me

I was lost 
Without anything that made a family

So to these childish endeavors

That I've forgotten how to forget

I remember you

When we used to drink and not think

Cheat, beat, and drift off to sleep

But when my mind turns to sponge

I wonder where I'll be

And I wonder what I'll see

I forget those lyrics to my soul

To this soothing tune, the way I used to foresee

The way back to me

Directions lost in the heat of battle

Giving new meaning to the phrase, slaying cattle

I close my eyes

And no longer see in front of me

I only hear that tune sung, by the newest draftee

They say memories hit hardest on the head

But I don't know, I grew up seeing a wide spread
Taking it to the floor, taking it on the bed

Down and down the rabbit hole, I fled

To my closest family, I go, I go

I came as a surprise, I know, I know

But when I was left those so many times

There on the sidelines

It's when I ask have to ask

Am I even worth the rhyme

Or am I just here sometimes

I would eventually awake I know
To the results of them taking it slow
Empty ashtrays that would burn down our family

Empty souls with no spirit left to flee
Always in the comfort of some other's bed

While I was left in misery

Left alone in front of the mirror

Living half my life behind closed eyes

Pulling myself together to hold back the cries

Busy hiding behind people holding me back

Leaving in flashing lights, off to spend the night

In some old, cold, whore-smelling shack

Where I have to cover my ears instead of shedding my eyes

Because of what I have to hear again

To turn off the reel of the fight

To turn off my shivers, from the cold and the fright

So I sing a tune, forever in my head

Playing over and over, but the connection is dead

My family was torn apart, all because of what was said

So I stay shut-up, forever in my room

Consumed with the same tune

Over and over

Until I was entombed, in a lie in which whom

I never knew if it was ho, hoe, or who

Because Mr. Santa Clause

I don't know you

And with a jolt of synergy

It came to me

I had awaken from my memory

And the next thing I knew

A sound broke through that melody

I just fell over

And I knew it was over

Something said sleep

So I just rolled over in the covers

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So it wasn't originally At All what I had in mind...but I just went with it. Thoughts?

The more I read it, the more I dislike. Balls.

Nothing Special

Modest Mouse - The Whale Song. Lyrics here: http://www.songmeanings.net/songs/view/3530822107858782489/

*Side Note* - I do feel bad wasting such a good song on such a shitty, non-interesting post...but I hope that it's musical goodness will raise the overall quality of said post.

SPOILER ALERT! - Bleh.

So I've had this post open the past couple days, and I've been tabbing back and forth adding in anything I had anything to say... I'm just going to let this all flow out of my head... it seems to be the only real thing I've felt these few days.

Call it writer's block or a lack of a solid train of thought, I haven't written any poetry in a while. That kind of bugs me. First, I have no material as of today's date that I would say is worthy of posting... nothing that could make me "famous" or anywhere near successful, not to even mention to just live off of as an actual job. I mean honestly, who am I kidding? There, I said it. My work is bleh at best. Sure there are a couple good lines, but...I don't know. It just seems to not be working out. Second, it's not like I don't enjoy writing, I love it. It's kind of a reflection period for me, so I felt like I was missing out on something good by not being able to put pencil to paper, and just jot something out. So here I am, actual blogging. It's that funny? No. No Taylor... it's not.

Damn.

So I'm single. Again...

                                                                                                                                  ...Awesome.

As I draw a big frowny-face, made up of tinier frowny-faces to show you what my face has been like on the inside the past couple days... and then I'll draw a Really big smiley face, made up of tinier frowny-faces to show you what my face has been like on the outside the past couple days.

Eat that visual.

In all honesty...I think I've taken it very well. It is odd that the girl in question will almost surely be reading this post, so I'm hesitant in what I should say and what I should not. It's not like I have any vile things to say, so no worries. We ended on fair terms as I recall... so no harm done. I just hope no future entry, let's say... of happy times with other people bring no feelings of...bad... feelings. You know. Yeah.

Ugh.

Bleh is my existence at the moment, and the funny thing is...I can't spell existence right the first time, but I can the second and in a weird way, I believe that says a lot. /shrug. All I feel like is that I'm at work constantly...although I did have a very odd, 4 day "weekend" from work, so that was cool. But any juice of fun I could have sucked out of that apple of opportunity was flushed down the drain, along with the rains in which it heavenly poured from. /sigh

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To be quite honest with you, I would love to be out of my mind right now... and any method is looking tasty atm.

But that's not going to happen anytime soon. And now this blog is coming to end because I don't even feel like writing anymore. I need a "pickme-up", so if you guys have any ideas, I'm all ears. Until whenever... peace "n" words.

P.S.

       I feel like the title. If I didn't make that clear.

P.S.S.

       Now I feel emo.

Wasteland

Flock of Seagulls - I Ran.

Wasteland

I always seem to mess up

But I feel like I can make it right

I always seem to make someone cry

And keep up others in the night

I can never make it end

I always fall away

Into a wasteland in my head

So I ran

And I ran

Stars shine down upon me

But I couldn't get away

I can't get away

There is always time to change

But you were always fading from view

So I just ran so far away

I ran all night and day

But I just couldn't get away

Show me what you've got

We all walk with dirty feet

And while the good die young

The broken die old

So stay with me tonight

Tell me what you are

For I am getting cold

Trust me

We will see each other tonight

We will hold each other tight

We will be alright

We will be alright

Things are not always as they seem to be

But they can't take you away from me

No one knows the secrets we are hiding

For I can't leave the hands that guide me

From here your eyes look starry

As you suddenly let go of me

As you suddenly turned on me

But things are not always as they seem to be

They can't take you away from me

They simply take you away from me

I can take slaving hands

But I not my feet

I don't have the heart

No soul left to keep

Stuck left following this road

We call dreams

Running away until we realize we were again

Blinded by the gleam

Time rests in shadows

Waiting on its mark

Biding enough time

To play footsies in the dark

So hold my hand

I have a master plan

I am in your command

I am in your demand

Time me while you blink away

Time me while we head down our dream

I'm right here waiting

Right here

Home asleep

You are a dreamer

But don't dim your eyes yet please

It's a touch of grace

That stares us sleepily

Now awake my girl

And stop your weeping

It's time to watch the stars go by

I'll follow you through the darkest laid back eyes

That neither of us can see through

Time to get it right

We will make it through

I'll get to you

I'll will hold you

My feet may ache

But I now know what from me

They can't take

I can't get away from you

And I never want them to

Those bright eyes will slowly guide me back

I am a guilty man that rest beside you

These soft hands tightly hold me back

Wrapped up with muddy tracks

From experiences that never alone

I can pull through

And as you grasp me back the second time

Stay with me tonight

It is when I know for sure

That I will fall back into line

You will bring me back home

Back into place

Back into view

Back to you

Back to our time

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Let me know what you guys think. I have a good feeling about this one.