Timid Thought.

For literally the seventh time in my life, I have legitimately wanted and felt so close enough to do it...to want to punch a wall, simply because I was upset, and I for the soul-sake reason, was because I could.

The pain that I would feel, from not hitting a stud in the wall, but just demolishing pure dry-wall,...would wash over me, and make me focus on something simple as, physical pain; so I could for 10 minutes...in my mind, be the only thought, that dwells inside of it. That I could hoot and howl; and that is all that would be me, for those 10 minutes. I would be in a state of mind...where I am on the edge of regretting the decision all together --- But I don't...because I am simply, so involved, in the act of pain, and therefore too ignorant, to do anything. I would be too involved to even Think, of why I was in this predicament.  My pain would engulf all other reasons, for existing. And I would be lost...in pure pain...

And right now, it sounds so good... compared to the feeling of nothing.

Why? Why would I wish this pain upon thyself. Why...how do you feel this strongly?, enough that you want to hit a wall?...

First off. Hitting a wall, is plain stupid. Second, how do you know where those studs are in the wall? Third, what if you hit a stud, do you know how much pain you would be in? Far worse than pure dry-wall; we are talking, broken bones and hospitals. Fourth, why ruin your wall? That is pretty annoying to have to fix, I'm just sayin'...it is a figure of speech. Fifth, I don't actually hit things. Sixth, If anything...my beatings, are the ones jumping. Seventh,...and bumping in my head.

Why, how do I...feel this strongly?

First off...enough numbering-"'off 's." I feel this strongly...because I simply can. You must ride all of the emotions in the world...for you to have, experienced them fully, and understand their full scope of things to teach you.

This is where you ask, "Taylor...where have thou gone wrong upon?"


These are the reasons why:

I need someone in my life, and "atm"...she is a little, "afk", if you know what I mean...

I need someone, who will let me...help her, be a better person. I need someone, at the same time...that will help me grow up, and be a better man. We...man and woman: strive to be with one another...the only catch is, we don't know who among the sea of ladies...will be, only ours. Where is she? "Idk."

I know what is killing me...but there is nothing I can do about it, but wait. Wait for that right moment...where everything, is perfect, and it all comes together as a successful, couple. I have to wait...and well, so does everyone. But I will point out, that I feel jip'd that I haven't received my fair lady yet, when I personally think, just being honest here, that when undeserving guys get the girls first...so stupid.

I just got out of a relationship...we remain good friends despite the break-up, and we legitly, both agreed that it just wasn't..."there." And so we ended it, simple as that. Moving on...to just plain awesome friends. :)

But...fact is, I am alone again...and it kinda sucks. Yes I realize it, too sucks for everyone else as well. I am not ignoring that, But this is my blog, so shove off, lawls.

I simply need to find the girl for me, my "type" or whatever...I just have to wait for one of those perfectly, random moments happen..., we lock eyes and know that we are each others. Yes...I am a romantic, suck it.

But waiting...always nervous glances to possible suspects...nothing very concrete. You start to doubt...and create a self-fulfilling prophecy...that it is doomed to fail. I Quite honestly, don't ever want to feel like that again...If the next girl I see is the girl for me...the sooner the better. Call me a pussy-pansy-faggot-fucker...or whatever you want, but I greatly like the girls that I go out with...this is why I go out with them...instead of some other..."less of my type", kind of girls. Saying nicely.

So I am out on the look, for someone new...someone, just anyone who I can be me with...and they can be themselves around me and all, others. And be happy. That is all that matters at the end of the day...are you truly happy? Think...

My lust...for love, is so strong, that sometimes that I am distracted...by the little things, that I will end up hating about her, later. Hate is such a strong word?...isn't? Sorry, anyway...I tend to fall for the girls who like to cuddle, even in the darkest nights... :) That I empower her, to wreck me...so I, so we, can grow as a couple together. To me...that is just how this romantic movie, has to end, baby.

I have the girl I just broke up with, a girl I almost dated, and one of their friends in a tornado of hell in my mind. Lol. But it is all good. Really, it is. It was just the thought itself, was at first...timid for me. My real girl, is out there somewhere...I just have to find her, and she has to find me.

These are the really important parts, so listen to my words....



She has to be out-going...only in her own way. No one else's. She has confidence of who she is. She is a strong woman...not simply an arrogant one.

She has to make me laugh...because she is just a painting of a true angel. She is just so damn cute. Damn me to hell, she has to be cute man...she just has to. I think that is fair.

She has a weakness of sorts. As does everyone, and she understands this...but has to have my reassurance... because I am her man, and no else's.

She has to be honest...with me, and more importantly with herself. She is pure heart. And we will never go our separate ways.

She has to be a little bit naughty, but it is only for me. And damn...damn is she not so freaking Sexy.

She has to care...that goes without say. But I did it any way. For there are no exceptions here. And let's be honest...every girl kinda wants to have somewhat of this, as a real relationship for herself. She wants the man to be the man...but respect her in every way. True?

She has to be the simply...awesome mom. That everyone deserves. Who love her children...and teach them right, the good stuff.

She is open-minded. Each of us...books, for the other to read. We love everything.

That is the gist...of it.

I just hope that the right girl comes along for me soon...so I can sweep her right off her feet. We are all messed up pieces of dough...so give a little.

I would love to see many comments. Love you guys.