Ish's First Memory

Modest Mouse - Autumn Beds. Lyrics here: http://www.songlyrics.com/modest-mouse/autumn-beds-lyrics/

It's... ~okay.

Ish's Lullaby

He cradles me over and over, until my eyes start to cover

Humming my song, like he has done over and over

In my head, I simply recede

Until in my mind, I had nothing to heed

I just fall over, with no more to see

Something said sleep, and I had no choice but to agree

Only it was then when, I found myself in a dream

Before the cow jumped over the moon

And the dish ran away with the spoon

I would sing that soft tune

My voice would defy, as I looked myself through

I would sing and sing until I found a way out

I sang, forever and ever

Until I had no more breath to spout

My mind would come say hi

When I happen to hear a noise

 Go check it out...
What's behind those doors...

Harsh voices get louder
As I inch the door wide

I see what is beyond me
I see what is inside
I see what I live with
I see how I'll die
I see her broken reflection
Buried beneath his red eyes


Leaving the scene
Secrets take to me
While the still sounds mount

Locked in my head
I'm left to recount

I was lost
Without anything that made me

I was lost 
Without anything that made a family

So to these childish endeavors

That I've forgotten how to forget

I remember you

When we used to drink and not think

Cheat, beat, and drift off to sleep

But when my mind turns to sponge

I wonder where I'll be

And I wonder what I'll see

I forget those lyrics to my soul

To this soothing tune, the way I used to foresee

The way back to me

Directions lost in the heat of battle

Giving new meaning to the phrase, slaying cattle

I close my eyes

And no longer see in front of me

I only hear that tune sung, by the newest draftee

They say memories hit hardest on the head

But I don't know, I grew up seeing a wide spread
Taking it to the floor, taking it on the bed

Down and down the rabbit hole, I fled

To my closest family, I go, I go

I came as a surprise, I know, I know

But when I was left those so many times

There on the sidelines

It's when I ask have to ask

Am I even worth the rhyme

Or am I just here sometimes

I would eventually awake I know
To the results of them taking it slow
Empty ashtrays that would burn down our family

Empty souls with no spirit left to flee
Always in the comfort of some other's bed

While I was left in misery

Left alone in front of the mirror

Living half my life behind closed eyes

Pulling myself together to hold back the cries

Busy hiding behind people holding me back

Leaving in flashing lights, off to spend the night

In some old, cold, whore-smelling shack

Where I have to cover my ears instead of shedding my eyes

Because of what I have to hear again

To turn off the reel of the fight

To turn off my shivers, from the cold and the fright

So I sing a tune, forever in my head

Playing over and over, but the connection is dead

My family was torn apart, all because of what was said

So I stay shut-up, forever in my room

Consumed with the same tune

Over and over

Until I was entombed, in a lie in which whom

I never knew if it was ho, hoe, or who

Because Mr. Santa Clause

I don't know you

And with a jolt of synergy

It came to me

I had awaken from my memory

And the next thing I knew

A sound broke through that melody

I just fell over

And I knew it was over

Something said sleep

So I just rolled over in the covers

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So it wasn't originally At All what I had in mind...but I just went with it. Thoughts?

The more I read it, the more I dislike. Balls.