Introspective Personality

Ryan Lindsey - Introspective Personality, sorry.. no lyrics found. :/

    I can't lie, I feel quite untouched right now, and I say that with as many different tenors you fathom. As I grow older, I am reading into more things; that is kind of what I want to talk about. Anytime I bring it up, I sometimes find it often hard to explain. I always feel that I am in someway "beating around the bush", and I just have a nagging that I can never seem to fully portray exactly what I want to say.. this intro needless to say is probably "heaviest" of parts. It's the important part, that gets unlooked at times. I try, I really do, to get out my inner voice. Sometimes I know it is difficult to understand at times.. but I proudly state it as my personal collocation, so take it as you will.


    At first I'd say that I feel alone, but think the word 'alone' is too strong, so how about a phrase? "An aloof hermit." Of course I don't want this to be true of me, I am diligent to better improve myself in every which way and form. I want to be constantly happy to push my limits. I don't mean to go over-board on things, and I do.. I'll be the first to admit it, but.. I want to fix that. I want to live comfortably.. in every means. Everyone does, don't they? Who doesn't?, want to live comfortably? New job opportunities are on their way, ones that will put a little more money into to the bank, so I'm not living paycheck to paycheck. I have 2 bucks in my wallet until the 5th, and that check is gone. So as you can see, new changes and chances.. must be in order.. to get me up in life. Now I know from pure experience, that money.. it isn't everything, but it is a necessity in this world to live, unhinged from that somewhat, mediocre life. I want more for my family, that I will have to support, than just scrap.. I want to live peacefully and undoubted in each other, solitude, a secure, and safe home. It's the people that you love, that you look out for the most.. now I have my sympathies.. but, I think it's about time for a little composition for me. A base of sanctuary. After that, I will rot my children will love and care; guidance and dignity. I'm pretty sure, I'll be an awesome Father.. but let's not get ahead of ourselves here. I'm thinking 27.. 29 have a kid. Only to be married to my otherwise known as my dream girl. I'm not 100% sure, but it's close.. I'm just going to call it now, that she will be a Pisces. It's all I've been thinking about, and I know some of you don't put a lot of stock into the whole Zodiac scene.. but to me it's important, and to me it is real. If not that, then Cancer. Either or would be lovely, both seem to be a good choice to go with, they fit me.. and what I am looking for in a woman. Where Pisces are a little more "unconditional", Cancers are more "nurturing." If that makes sense.. you'd really have to read into it more to see the subtleties that define and differentiate these signs. To give you examples of celebrities that you may know and like: Natalie Dreyfuss, Ellen Page, Bruce Willis, Alan Rickman, and Drew Berrymore are all Pisces; while Kris Kristofferson, John Cusack, Lizzy Caplan, Kristen Bell, and Jane Lynch are Cancers. All actors and actresses that I like and enjoy, and as far as women.. all are my type in a sense, and I could see a relationship working out if the circumstances were right. That really does it for the main stuff I wanted to talk about right at this moment. I'm sure that I will write more soon to cover the rest of my aspects of life. Until then.. I'd love to here any and all thoughts. Please leave comments. :)
 

Daydream

Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros - Home. Lyrics here: http://www.songmeanings.net/songs/view/3530822107858786021/

Little green man, somewhat alien... sitting on the Earth, driving it as his car, his space ship, in the sky of the universe. He is with the moon, as his light, blasting away every day, baked in the soaking sun. Lost in the black existence, yet found home with his third eye; the moon as the caster of each tide as he turns round and around. While over in his sleep, when his eyes blink, he hears, "Wake up my darling... it was all just a dream."

Right Brain/ Left Brain Quiz The higher of these two numbers below indicates which side of your brain has dominance in your life. Realising your right brain/left brain tendancy will help you interact with and to understand others. Left Brain Dominance: (12) Right Brain Dominance: (14) Right Brain/ Left Brain Quiz

I ask myself, "Why am I in holes without you."

Rubik - Richard Branson's Crash Landing. Lyrics here: http://www.songmeanings.net/songs/view/3530822107858786508/

Say to yourself, "just right."

I don't know where to start, and I haven't for a long time. I think, and think, and think, that I'm never going to get anywhere, and here I am now. I go with the flow, to whatever feels good, but I never know why. Why can't I know? Why can't we know? Who says we can't know? I don't know, but it's worth a thought. It's worth the time and effort, so here we go until we stop, until we die, until we move on, until we forget...until we reset and rest; I can only live here and now; I live with what I have, and live with what I have not. I don't have everything, and I don't want everything. I just want what I want, and what I want is to be happy. Happiness is what I need to live, so I told myself to do so, to just do right. I told myself that I wasn't going to stop until I was happy, and I haven't stopped so far. I don't think I could bare the failure, the utter sense of abandonment based on my one sole reason to live... just to take it all in, and then just draw it all out, and it is until the day I quit breathing that I will stop lathering up my mind and my tongue for the day, and quit spitting my existence onto paper striving for until I can't tell the difference between my own work or those considered "modern classics." How pity are my words compared to the worlds I want to create, because ponder has no limit; nor, do the words powered by the fires within my heart and my mind, bellowed by every breath I take of my forsaken continuance that I consider my life. It isn't until the day I die that I want to truly know rest, because I know what I have inside of me now, and I want to live for it all. I don't want to fall away into quite desperation before I have expressed every ounce of my drop to the ocean.

I'll pause here to insert a "note" I had written for myself, to be read on a later date... hoping that I could find and use, some future knowledge and encouragement from within it. And it goes:

"And I think to myself... 'Where was I, all those years? Who was I? What was I doing? What did I DO?"

And I wake up, with a new vision. A new... direction. It's possible that a purpose is necessary to live, but how should I know? I'm not God. But I have one, and I'm on track to be great.

"And I think to myself..."

I figured out by now, that this is all I am. Taylor Lee Travis. Do you know who I am? Do you truly? The short answer is no. I don't truly, fully understand myself... aka, all of my subconscious's desires and why and what drives them. All I do know, is there is no possible way you can Be me, feel the things I feel. You will never truly know how I deal with things, hell... even half of the things I deal with. Now this is by no means to say that I have one clue of who you truly are either, I'm just saying...you will always only cast sympathy to me; you can't feel my emotions, not really. I believe that we are just that for each other, sympathy. I don't shrink "life" into the word, "sympathy", but I feel that it is an important part of what makes our ego. It is what makes each of us, mourn, love, lust, sweat, cry, feel, bite, and do anything and/or everything in a different way. The only real catch is ourselves, hiding behind our walls, restricting our souls to express and share one another. If anything, that is humans downfall, true potential... we only tend to grasp for the selfish things these days. Materials. Needless to say an important part of our lives... but it is not the "goal" ladies and gentlemen. That is only the means, the tools... not the feeling at the end of the day, where you can't do anything but smile... and say, "I am happy." In that form, it is all to rare these days. Because we all know that we aren't really happy, we all have our holes. We all live, in some way, in "quiet desperation" that keeps us from expressing every sensation we feel. It all wants to come out, even though you doubt yourself. We never truly show our true colors, because we are constantly fighting and dealing with ourselves, and the whole outside world. It keeps us on guard. My own wars are the ones in my head, everyday...and while I am in my mind writing down what I think... I know it's never going to be enough. But I try... I try in a certain desperation I will never truly understand until the end. I will try against death to rid myself of the countless waste of weight I carry in my head, and on my shoulders. I will do my best to live my best, and the only person that could ever hold me back, is the one writing these words. And it's not until I stop and end, will I be happy... because that is when I know the mood is right, to die.

Live by your own desires, and never hold back.
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